


Gods & Monsters

by Marina_North



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Childhood Trauma, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Explicit Language, I'm Sorry, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Messy, Pet Names, References to Drugs, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Weird Plot Shit, What Was I Thinking?, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:20:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28013076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marina_North/pseuds/Marina_North
Summary: “Hello,” said the stranger, strands of wavy dark hair escaping from where he’d tucked it behind his ear. Ash blinked slowly. “Are you alright? Can you hear me?”Ash just stared at him.The guy bit his lip. He looked worried. “Can you stand? Would you like me to help you?”“You’re pretty,” Ash blurted out. God, he was so pretty it hurts. His cheeks were a faint pink, but whether it was from a blush or make up Ash didn’t know, he had long eyelashes, and his lips—those lips could take Ash to places, he could tell. “Has anyone ever told you that?”“Not really,” he replied quietly. He extended a hand. “Here. Let us get you off the floor, okay?”“You are, though,” said Ash, when he was finally on his feet. The guy’s hand was still in his. It was soft. “You’re pretty.”“Thank you,” he said, smiling softly. Years of serving the church and praying the rosary had led to this one moment: heaven finally sending Ash a personal angel just like he'd requested his entire childhood.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Lee Yut-Lung & Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 58
Kudos: 150





	Gods & Monsters

He looked good in red.

He looked good in any color, of course, be it in his worn out lavender sweater or usual blue button up, or a simple white tee and black shorts, but he looked absolutely stunning in red.

Ash would know because he knew everything about Eiji. He knew he loved natto and that he liked dogs so much that he volunteered to help at the local shelter every Saturday. He liked buying comic books—both American and Japanese—and reading them on a bench in Central Park. He didn't like mustard, and he always cried at the movies. He knew Eiji and he knew he looked good. _So, so good._

Wait. Ash was getting distracted. He was always easily distracted by Eiji.

Point is: red. Damn, that color really suited him. Especially right now, when he's wearing it from head to toe and Ash's finger is slowly tracing the gentle slope of his nose. Eiji’s nose was cute. Like the buttons they'd sew on those stuffed animals that Ash had bought Eiji at least once or a hundred times before.

Another point is: in the entire year that they’d been together, Ash had never gotten to know Eiji like this. So open. Just laid out there for him to explore. He never thought he'd get this far, to be honest; to be able to get so close to Eiji he could literally count each speck of gold the glittered bath bomb had left on his skin. It made him realize that there was something new to learn about Eiji every day, and it left Ash in awe.

"Hey," said Ash softly. "Hey, Eiji."

Eiji hummed. Or at least Ash thought he did.

"So—so, you know how you have a thing for those diners off the side of the road that looked like they were stuck in the 80s?" He didn't wait for an answer, just added, "I think we could go to one. You can ride at the back of my bike and I'll wear that leather jacket that you like so much." Ash grinned. "It'd be the best date of your life. So what do you say: Are you in or nah?"

Eiji nodded.

"Good," said Ash, satisfied. He knew Eiji could never say no to him. "Good."

* * *

They'd met at a bar. Ash was at the peak of his life. It was love at first sight. Isn't that the perfect mix for the greatest modern romance? 

Ash remembered feeling real good that night—he'd taken out a rival gang, grabbed a few bottles with his men to celebrate, and snorted a line with Shorter at the back alley while kicking cans. He felt like he was flying. He was great and untouchable and the king of New York City.

He even had a crown on his head to prove it. Well, a paper crown, but still. A crown’s a crown. His friends were loudly singing Queen’s "We Are the Champions" like the fucking idiots that they were, Bones and Kong playing with imaginary electric guitars, and Ash had just downed his seventh or eight bottle. He didn’t know. He was having a hard time counting.

Fuck, was he banged up. His head was spinning like crazy and he could barely make out the sign pointing to the men’s room; what if he had forgotten how to read, too? That would suck.

Ash stumbled to one of the stalls, hip hitting hard on the doorframe before his knees finally buckled and he crumpled on the tiled floor. He could feel the mucky bathroom water soaking through his jeans. The air smelled of cheap perfume and sweat. He bent over the toilet and threw up. The retching sounds echoed in the graffiti covered walls.

“Fuck,” breathed Ash once he was finished. He closed his eyes and reached up to make sure the paper crown was still on his head. Relieved with finding it there, he said, “Good. Yeah, good.” He remembered that he smelled of puke and was still gripping the toilet seat, and he laughed. “I’m really out here living the life, huh?”

He laughed harder. God, he was hilarious. Shorter could only dream to have such level of humor.

“Uh, excuse me. Are you alright?”

Ash lolled his head back, and he was met with wide brown eyes peering down at him with concern.

“Hello,” said the stranger, strands of wavy dark hair escaping from where he’d tucked it behind his ear. Ash blinked slowly. “Are you alright? Can you hear me?”

Ash just stared at him.

The guy bit his lip. He looked worried. “Can you stand? Would you like me to help you?”

“You’re pretty,” Ash blurted out. God, he was so pretty it hurts. His cheeks were a faint pink, but whether it was from a blush or make up Ash didn’t know, eyelashes long, and his lips—those lips could take Ash to places, he could tell. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Not really,” he replied quietly. He extended a hand. “Here. Let us get you off the floor, okay?”

“You are, though,” said Ash, when he was finally on his feet. The guy’s hand was still in his. It was soft. “You’re pretty.”

“Thank you,” he said, smiling softly. Years of serving the church and praying the rosary had led to this one moment: heaven finally sending Ash a personal angel like he'd requested his entire childhood. “But you are drunk. Where are your friends? I will take you to them.”

The thought of any of his men getting into contact with this angel made Ash want to puke again.

“I’m here alone, actually,” he lied smoothly.

The guy nodded. “I see. I am, too.”

That quickly sobered him up.

“Here,” he said, handing Ash a bundle of wet tissues. Seeing Ash’s dumbfounded look, he said, “Uh, sorry about this, but you look kind of messy.”

When Ash just continued standing there like an idiot, he proceeded to gently wipe Ash’s face and neck. Ash just stayed still, watching as this guy fussed over him like he was his fucking mother or something. No, that wasn’t it. He was an angel—angels did nice things like this all the time. It was part of their code or something.

“There.” He stepped back and looked at Ash approvingly. “All cleaned up.”

“What’s your name?” Ash needed to know.

“Eiji,” he replied. “Eiji Okumura.”

Eiji. It suited him. Ash had to look up what it meant later, but he was sure it must be some kind of Japanese prayer, because it rolled off his tongue like one.

“How about you?” said Eiji, tilting his head to the side adorably.

“Ash,” he answered. “Just Ash.”

Ash was already held captive, but then Eiji _fucking giggled_ , and then he was _gone_. “Well, Just Ash, I hope you make it home alright.”

Home? Wait—Eiji was leaving already? No, no. Ash wanted him to stay. He was sure heaven could manage without one angel for a few more hours.

“Hey,” he said suddenly. Eiji raised his eyebrows, questioning. “I know this is crazy, but would you maybe like to go grab something at the diner downtown?”

“You mean right now?” asked Eiji, though he sounded more amused than cautious. “It is almost midnight.”

“Like I said, it’s kinda crazy—”

"It kind of is."

"Yeah."

“Then let us go.”

“What?” he said, surprised. He couldn’t believe his luck.

“Come on, time is ticking,” said Eiji, turning towards the door.

“I ride a bike,” Ash told him. He didn’t know why he was telling him this. “Like a motor bike. You know. With the loud engine and big wheels.”

He had to stop himself from doing the vroom sounds.

“Like in Terminator?” asked Eiji.

 _Jesus Christ_. “Exactly like Terminator.”

“That is so cool,” said Eiji sincerely. Well fuck, Ash was in love.

“So I guess all I’m trying to say is,” said Ash, running a hand through his hair, “do you really want to go to a diner, at midnight, with a guy who was just puking his guts out and driving a death trap?”

He was pretty sure angels had a limit to their services, and riding on the back of a bike with a gang leader would probably be one of those limits. But uf that was true, then why send him to Ash? If there was any person who could push past limits and completely break the rules, it was Ash.

And damn, he wanted to break every single rule with Eiji.

“I am sure. I think you are kind, Ash.”

Well that was a first. Ash had been called many things, but kind was never one of them. Eiji was so strange.

“So, you’re telling me that your friends literally left you to fend for yourself?”

They were sitting at the booth farthest from the diner’s entrance, a plate of greasy burgers and fries between them. Eiji was twirling the straw in his glass of soda, the neon lights casting a faint glow around him, further giving proof to Ash’s theory that he was some sort of holy entity. Of course, why an angel would like to drink watered-down coke was beyond him, but he supposed angels could do whatever they wanted, so wondering about it was a moot point.

Ash lit up a cigarette and blew smoke up the ceiling. Eiji eyed the counter like he was afraid the waitress would reprimand them.

“Well, it sounds bad if you say it like that,” Eiji eventually said. “But I promise you, they meant good. They just wanted me to ‘put myself out there’, as they have called it. They said I spend too much time studying.”

“You’re a college student?”

“Yes. I major in Photography at New York University.”

Ash crushed the cigarette butt on the table’s surface. Eiji looked like he wanted to personally apologize to the manager.

Ash, taking note of this, said: “You’re a goody two-shoes, aren’t you?”

“A goody what?” said Eiji, confused. He looked down at his feet. “Yes, I do have two shoes.”

God, this kid was a real treat. He guffawed, but immediately stopped when he saw Eiji's embarrassed look.

“Sorry,” he said. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed.”

“It is okay,” said Eiji, though his cheeks were still a faint pink. “I still do not know a lot of American expressions. I have only been here for...” he scrunched his face as he started counting with his fingers. Ash wanted to kiss him. “Uh, five months. I have only been here for five months.”

“Got to do any sightseeing yet?”

“Actually, no. I have been busy studying.”

A lightbulb went off in Ash’s head. “Hey, Eiji, I have another crazy thing to ask you.”

Eiji blinked curiously. “What is it?”

“Can I give you a tour of the city tomorrow? I’ll show you around all of my favorite spots. It will be fun.” He hoped to God Eiji would agree. But even if he didn’t, Ash would probably just drive up to NYU anyway and wait for him. Eiji would be so surprised and touched that there was no way he would refuse. “So?”

“I do not know,” said Eiji hesitantly. “I do not want to bother you.”

“Nonsense,” he replied. “I have nothing important to do tomorrow anyway. Might as well spend the day with you.”

“Eh?” Eiji looked really confused now. The urge to kiss him was getting stronger by the minute.

“Why do you look so shocked?”

“You are sure you would like to spend hours playing tour guide?”

“Positive.”

Eiji studied him. “You really are crazy.”

Ash had been called many things. Crazy was definitely one of them.

“Maybe I am.” He leaned forward on his elbows. “Are you scared?”

“No,” Eiji quickly replied. He even chuckled. “Like I said, you seem kind.”

“Cool,” said Ash, smirking. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Shoot me a message so I’ll know what time.”

Eiji nodded eagerly, eyes twinkling with excitement, and Ash was so gone.

* * *

Eiji was real quiet today. He hadn’t said a word since they’ve left the apartment. Ash really fucked up this time. He wondered if Eiji will ever forgive him. Scratch that—he wondered _when_ Eiji would forgive him. He and Eiji were in love, had been since the day they’d met at the bar a year ago, and people who were truly in love with each other always patched things up.

Ash was doing his best to appease him, put him in a good mood. He wore the leather jacket like he promised. He even ditched the bike and pulled up in his vintage white mustang. Eiji loved that car, said it made him feel like he was in a movie. The soft greys of the car’s interior was a stark contrast to Eiji’s red ensemble, and Ash thought maybe that was why people did a double take when they passed.

“Eiji,” Ash tried. “Have I told you how beautiful you are today?”

He was met with silence.

“Really. You look beautiful. Like those red roses that you love so much,” he continued. He glanced over at Eiji who was slumped in the passenger’s seat. “Maybe we should get you some. What do you think?”

The city was reflected in Eiji’s eyes.

“I love you,” said Ash.

Eiji whispered it back.

* * *

God, having Eiji’s arms around him felt so good. Better than those cheap one-night stands he’d have during the years before he turned eighteen, and even better than seeing his enemies tremble with fear before he put a bullet right between their eyes.

They were speeding through the streets of New York as if it wasn’t four in the afternoon and cars weren’t stuck in traffic. That’s the advantage of being a street thug and having a bike—you could ignore both at the same time.

“Ash!” said Eiji loudly so he could be heard over the rushing wind. His grip on Ash tightened. “Don’t you think we’re going a little too fast?”

“I already took you on a date last night!” Ash said gleefully. “Didn’t like it? Yeah, the diner’s kinda cheap, not gonna lie. How about I take you somewhere fancy?”

“That is a very nice offer!” said Eiji. “But I was talking about your driving!”

Ash laughed. “Don’t worry about it! I won’t let anything happen to you!”

“Okay!” said Eiji right away. It did things to his heart. “I trust you, Ash!”

That was all he needed to hear.

Eiji let out a screech when they took a particularly sharp turn, making Ash laugh even louder. The engine’s roar drowned out the angry yells thrown their way, and they were going too fast to even see the disapproving faces, but sometimes Ash would still flip off a random passerby.

“Well?” said Ash. He wished he could turn around and see Eiji’s face right now. “Are you scared of me now?”

The hands around his waist loosened as he heard, “No! To be honest, this is kind of fun!”

“Really?”

“Really!”

“Okay,” said Ash softly. “Don’t let go, alright?”

Ash spotted him just as he was walking out the archway. Eiji was wearing a pink sweater and white jeans, looking so soft and cuddly he might as well be a pillow. He was talking to some of his classmates, a bright smile on his face, and they seemed to be hanging on every word he said. Eiji must be popular with the students, and Ash wouldn’t be surprised if he was. It just made sense that normal people were amazed by otherworldly beings like Eiji.

“Ash!” said Eiji when he spotted him. He looked flushed. “What are you doing here?”

Someone called out a goodbye to Eiji, and he returned it before bringing his focus back to Ash.

Ash shrugged, hands behind his back and trying to look nonchalant. “Nothing. Just wanted to see you, I guess.”

He could see some of the students give him looks that ranged from appreciative to downright suspicious. He smirked. He probably looked out of place in this campus, but who cares? He wasn’t here for them anyway. Ash was wearing his usual getup—white shirt, ripped jeans, denim jacket—but he did take time fixing his hair and making sure his bike looked brand new before coming here. He hoped Eiji would notice.

Eiji looked around and shuffled his feet. “Ash, maybe we should—"

“Here.”

Ash held out a large bouquet of red roses. Eiji let out a small, “Oh.”

Ash prayed that he liked it; he spent hours in the flower shop trying to pick out the best ones. He waited anxiously for Eiji's reaction, but he was still staring at the roses like it was his first time seeing them.

Hmmm. If Eiji _didn’t_ like it, then fine—Ash will just get everything in the goddamn shop and send him a whole garden. Ash imagined Eiji surrounded by a thousand pretty flowers, and his heart ached at the image.

“Wow,” said Eiji, eyes comically wide. He held the bouquet carefully. “This is for me?”

“Yup,” Ash replied, popping the ‘p’.

“They are beautiful, Ash,” said Eiji, blushing. The color of his cheeks matched his sweater.

“You’re beautiful,” he shot back. Yes, it was cheesy as hell, but well—it was true.

Eiji was looking at him with so much adoration that Ash didn’t know what to do with himself. Ash felt like he was back in the bar, easily being pulled into Eiji’s orbit again.

“Thank you, Ash,” he finally said, hugging the roses to his chest.

Ash picked up the bag Eiji had dropped when he accepted the bouquet. He slung it over his shoulder and said, “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” asked Eiji.

“You’ll see,” he said cryptically. He was just going to drive him to a nearby restaurant to eat, but he knew Eiji loved surprises.

Without any warning, Eiji stood on his tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Alright. I trust you, Ash.”

No, no—Eiji was no angel. Right now, as Ash looked down on his red face and dark hair, he looked like a saint.

* * *

“Wait here in the car,” Ash told Eiji. He opened the radio, and Cindy Lauper’s "Time After Time" played. Good. Eiji was really into that song. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Eiji gave an affirmative grunt.

Ash smiled at him and got out. The familiar sign of the flower shop greeted him. Ash kicked a pebble off the road, then pulling his jacket tighter around his body, walked over to the glass doors.

“Hello, sir!” the employee behind the counter greeted. Her eyes shone with familiarity upon seeing him. “The usual?”

“Yes,” said Ash, smiling. “But today I’m taking all of them.”

She blinked. “That’s a lot of red roses.”

“Yeah,” he said under his breath. “He really likes them.”

* * *

Their first kiss happened under the stars in Central Park.

He and Eiji were walking around, enjoying the cold autumn air, warm cups of coffee in their hands. Eiji was bundled up in a coat and blue scarf that Ash had wrapped around him, cheeks puffed out, looking like an adorable baby penguin. The mixed conversations going on around them was comfortable white noise.

Eiji was telling him all about his childhood in his hometown of Izumo. It sounded swell. Ash was memorizing every single detail.

“Do you miss Japan?” he asked suddenly.

“Yes, sometimes,” Eiji admitted. “It’s more…peaceful there, I think.”

“New York’s a really busy city,” said Ash, nodding. “There’s always something going on here.”

“You are right.” Eiji threw a hand up. “But New York is wonderful, too! The lights are so pretty.”

“Yeah, I guess,” said Ash. He bowed his head. “I never really noticed.”

“That’s because you’re always looking down, silly,” said Eiji, tapping his chin up so he could stare at him. He pointed up. “Look, the stars are so wonderful tonight.”

“If you can see them past all the pollution, sure,” said Ash sarcastically.

“A little smoke looks good as effects in photos sometimes, so.”

“Are you always like that?”

“Like what?”

“Optimistic,” answered Ash. “Positive. Always seeing the bright side. Just—just good in general. Perfect.”

Eiji laughed. “No one’s perfect, Ash.”

“You are,” he argued. “Did you know I thought you were an angel when we first met?”

Not anymore. Now Ash practically worshiped the very ground Eiji walked on. He had leveled up into an entirely new being.

“That’s really sweet,” Eiji commented. He pointed up again. “Hey, look.”

“What?” said Ash, squinting at the night sky. When he didn’t find anything interesting, he looked back at Eiji, saying, “What are you—oomph!”

He didn’t get to finish because Eiji suddenly yanked him forward by the front of his shirt and pressed his lips to his. Ash’s brain short-circuited at that moment, he was sure. The kiss was sweet and tentative, as if Eiji was giving him a chance to pull back, but who said Ash wanted to? Letting his still half-full cup drop to the ground, Ash grabbed his shoulders, bringing him closer.

 _This_ —this was leagues above having Eiji’s arms around his waist. Kissing Eiji felt like having the entire galaxy laid out before him. Infinite and full of possibilities. Amazing and terrifying.

Ash wanted to _see more_ , to _touch more_. His curiosity about Eiji and what it would be like to love him could not be sated, especially not now when he’d finally gotten a taste of it. He was certain Eiji felt the same way.

The greatest modern romances always worked like that.

But Eiji stepped back, taking a peek at him from beneath his lashes. “Sorry. That was very impulsive.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Ash reassured him. He brushed some of the hair on Eiji’s forehead. “I loved it.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay,” said Eiji, pleased. “Then can we do it again?”

The days passed by in a blur. Ash was spending more time out in the streets than making plans in their hideout that it eas obvious his men were starting to get curious. Shorter’s eyes were always following him around the apartment. Alex looked like he wanted to cluck his tongue in disapproval but lived in fear of said tongue being cut off.

He supposed it was a little strange. After all, he wasn’t spending all his time with Eiji. Technically. Most hours he’d just loiter outside the campus, puffing smoke circles up in the air. He’d study the students passing by, at times even waving at them just for kicks. He’d grin like a maniac when they greeted back or flipped him off. Sometimes he’d browse around the shops on the nearest streets, looking for something interesting to give Eiji. Last week it was chocolate shaped like a small bear, the other day a yellow knitted hat.

Today it was a huge stuffed panda.

When the time hit four o’ clock, Ash was already waiting on the sidewalk, gift in hand. He glanced at his watch; usually, Eiji would be out of the doors by 4:10, give or take a few minutes, gripping the strap of his messenger bag and saying goodbye to his classmates. Not to brag, but Ash already had his schedule memorized. Eiji never told him, but with enough observation Ash was able to recognize the routine.

He was being attentive, that’s all. A good boyfriend was like that, right? Right. And Eiji only deserved the best.

Ten minutes after four and Eiji was out in the afternoon sun. _Just like clockwork_. Eiji beamed when he saw him, and Ash was certain that the day just got a whole lot brighter.

* * *

“It’s almost five,” said Ash casually. “I’m thinking, you know, maybe we can skip eating at the diner and watch the sunset together by the bridge.” Seeing that Eiji didn’t look too pleased with that, he amended, “I mean, we can still eat there later. Maybe at midnight? Yeah, just like our first date.”

Eiji exhaled loudly, but Ash could see the corners of his lips lifting.

“Cool, right?” he glanced at the rearview mirror and saw the backseat almost bursting with all the red roses he’d dumped there. “Happy Anniversary, babe. I love you.”

Eiji murmured something.

Ash smiled. “I do say it all the time, don’t I? I just don’t want you to forget that I love you, Eiji. Because I do.” He stepped on the gas. “Very much.”

* * *

“This is really nice,” said Eiji when he pulled back slightly to breathe. “I did not know people still drove cars like this.”

“Hmm-mm,” Ash replied absently. He was only half-listening to whatever Eiji was saying, too distracted by the marks he’d left across his collarbones and shoulders. The mere sight of them was enough to make Ash lose all train of thought. “Come ‘ere.”

The kiss was messy, all pushing tongues and biting lips, but it was perfect that way. Eiji was moaning against his mouth, and the sound sent a shiver down his spine. He’d made out with tons of people in the back of his car before—both friends and strangers alike—but this was the first time he ever understood its appeal: the way their bodies maneuvered around each other in the small space, hands wandering to places yet to be explored, felt like it was straight out of a chick flick.

“I fee like we are in a movie,” said Eiji, as if he just read his thoughts. Maybe he did. “I like it. We should use your car more often.”

“Sure,” Ash readily agreed. Eiji didn’t need to know that the vintage white mustang was a gift from an old pervert he’d been involved with years ago. All he needed to know was that Ash had it and he was going to drive Eiji across the state in it if he commanded him. “Whatever you want, babe.”

Ash let out a content sigh as he dropped himself on their moth eaten sofa.

“Alright,” Shorter said, hands on his hips, and it reminded Ash of the way his mother used to watch over him as he recited his prayers. He looked closely at Ash. “You’re unusually chipper these past few days. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Ash replied.

That was, to put it simply, complete and utter bullshit, and if Shorter really was his best friend like he claimed to be, then he should be able to see right through it. Ash secretly wished Shorter would pester him. If he did, he’d get to talk about Eiji, and he would really like to do that.

“Yeah, no.” Shorter kicked his feet. “Fess up, will you? You’ve been going out a lot, and every time you get back you always have this dopey look on your face.”

Ash sat up, then he said in the most serious voice he could muster: “I’ve found him, Shorter.”

“Who? Arthur?” asked Shorter. “Well, where’s his hideout? I’m calling the guys, then—”

“What? No!” said Ash indignantly. “Fuck Arthur. He’s still hiding like a goddamn cockroach.”

He stopped. “Then what the hell are you on about?”

“I’ve found him, man. My soul mate. My other half. Missing piece of the puzzle. Love of my life. Juliet to my Romeo. Rose to my Jack. Aphrodite to my Ares,” Ash rambled on. He paused. “Although I suppose all of those aren’t right since we’re both guys, but you get my point.”

“What the fuck,” said Shorter, eyebrows drawn in concern. “Did you hit something before coming here? Are you high? Is this what this is all about?”

One of them knew (but would never have the courage to say out loud) that drugged or not Ash’s actions always needed checking.

Ash waved a hand. “Back off, Shorter. I’m fine.” He folded one of his legs underneath him. “His name’s Eiji Okumura.”

“What is this? Some kind of long distance relationship?”

“No, no. He’s here studying at NYU. He’s a photography major.”

“An artist, huh?"

“His hair’s really fluffy and he’s got these doe eyes. You know, those that look so wide and innocent?”

“Like Bambi?”

“Bambi. Why hadn’t _I_ thought of that nickname?”

“Dunno.”

“Anyway, he likes to study and he loves animals and his dream is to take photos that will make people happy.”

“Well fuck me,” Shorter deadpanned. “He sounds perfect.”

“He is,” said Ash dreamily.

“ _Je-sus_.” Shorter shook his head. He looked at Ash’s love struck expression. “How long has this been going on?”

“Three months,” said Ash, head still in the clouds.

“Nice,” said Shorter. He cleared his throat. “Ash. Don’t—don’t get too carried away, alright?”

Ash’s eyes flashed. _The fuck did he mean by that?_ “What?”

Now, Ash had known Shorter since they were eight and the two of them were nothing but grubby kids running around Manhattan. He was the only one who knew of what kinds of traumas Ash had experienced, and he also knew how those experiences had affected him. He’d seen what Ash could do. His best friend was slightly intimidated by him, he knew, but with the way Shorter was looking at him right now Ash would think that he’d just seen a ghost.

“Nothing,” said Shorter quickly. “I just mean, I don’t want you to get your heart broken.”

“You worry too much,” said Ash, lying back down on the sofa. “Eiji would never do that. He’s like a literal angel. You’ll see.”

“Good,” said Shorter. He was still a little pale. “I’m happy for you, Ash.”

The body was truly a work of art. God had made man in his image, Mama always told him, and Ash believed her, because only a being as powerful as God would be able to create something so complex and yet so beautiful.

Ash had always loved art. He used to bring home awards he’d win in school for his drawings. Growing up in a religious home, he’d paint lots of images of saints and angels and lights piercing through the clouds. The rose windows of the church and the sculptures they had in the Catholic galleries really fascinated him; everything about the holy was good, everything about the holy was _good good good—_

So why was the police on his fucking back?

What he had left was nothing short of a masterpiece. It was divine. Michelangelo had nothing on him.

Well, good luck to them. They’d need a miracle to catch him now that he had an angel protecting him every step of the way.

It was his first time visiting Eiji’s apartment. It was nothing grand, just a one-bedroom flat in the business district. It was small and the walls were in need of a paint job, but it was just across a coffee shop and a few blocks away from the animal shelter, so of course Eiji chose to live there.

“My friend, Sing, works at the coffee shop,” Eiji told him as he took off his shoes. Ash copied him. “I study there sometimes and he gives me free cupcakes.”

“Cool,” said Ash, his socked feet not making any sounds as he followed Eiji.

“Maybe we could go visit him later. He’s got the night shift today, I think,” said Eiji cheerfully. He looked back at Ash. “Would you like some tea?”

“Sure,” he replied as Eiji led him to the kitchen. He watched as Eiji rummaged around the cupboards, probably looking for mugs, but was pleasantly surprised when his boyfriend pulled out a ceramic tea pot. Ash raised an eyebrow. “Who are you? _The Mad Hatter?_ ”

“I do not know who that is,” said Eiji, tilting his head to the side. “Is he handsome?”

Ash thought about Johnny Depp’s portrayal. He didn’t know whether Eiji liked him, so he just shrugged. “I can’t really say.”

Eiji frowned as if to say _alright, then_. Suddenly, he asked, “Are you okay?”

“What?”

“Are you sick, Ash?”

“No. No, I’m not sick.”

“You seem a little off,” said Eiji, looking worried. He carefully placed the tea pot on the counter. It must be some sort of family heirloom. Ash didn’t know. “Are you hungry, then?”

 _Bingo_.

Ash stepped forward. “Yeah, I am.”

This was it. This was the right goddamn moment. All alone, in Eiji’s apartment, with the lights a little low and with no more plans for the night. This was it—the day they take their relationship to the highest goddamn level. Fuck. Ash had been waiting for this. The time to worship Eiji and to show him just how much he loved him was _now_.

They’d been dating for five months, five months of kissing and touching inappropriately and of testing the waters and finally— _finally_ —Eiji had asked him to spend the night. Seriously, that was the sign he’d been praying for. That was heaven opening up and telling him _hey man, this is it!_

“I see,” said Eiji, relieved that he was alright. “You should have told me earlier. I could—”

Ash pulled him in a tight embrace. Burying his nose in the crook of Eiji’s neck, he murmured, “Yup, hungry, that’s what I am.”

“Okay?” said Eiji. He gulped when Ash started pressing kisses from his neck up to his jaw. “Um. What are you—”

His hand sneaked past the hem of Eiji’s shirt, fingers tracing a line from his stomach to his waist. His skin was smooth and cool beneath Ash’s touch. Ash could feel Eiji’s quick breaths against his ear, so he placed a chaste kiss on his cheek to calm him.

“Ash,” Eiji said, sounding a little winded.

“Is this not okay?” he asked. He thought he and Eiji were on the same page. Maybe he was wrong, after all? “Are you uncomfortable with this?”

Eiji said quietly, “No. I am just caught off-guard, that is all.”

“Huh?” Ash was at a lost. They’d gone farther than this before, so why was Eiji still surprised?

He got his answer when Eiji playfully smacked his arm and said, “I can’t believe you cannot wait until after dinner!”

“Well,” said Ash, and he was grinning so wide his face might split. “I can’t seem to control myself when I’m around you.”

“Really?”

“Really,” said Ash, drinking in Eiji’s appearance. He needed to burn this image in his head: the flushed skin, slipping sleeves to expose smooth collarbones. Ash drew him closer until he could feel Eiji’s heartbeat through his shirt. “Can you show me your bedroom?”

* * *

Eiji’s phone buzzed with a new message. Ash grabbed the small device and scowled when he saw who it was from.

“Sing’s asking if you’re still up for tonight,” Ash informed him. He tsked. “Seriously, what a jerk. He knows it’s our anniversary today, and yet he’s still bugging you to meet up with him. He’s doing this on purpose, I’m sure.” Ash had half a mind to call Sing and tell him to fuck off. “I never really liked him. Always thought he was a little shit.”

The volume on the radio was kind of loud, but he still heard Eiji’s response.

_You don’t like any of my friends, Ash._

“With good reason,” he said defensively. “I mean, remember that thing with Sing before? How about with Yut Lung? He was your friend too, wasn’t he?”

Eiji ignored him.

“Good ol’ Yut-Lung. He was your best friend, and what did he do to you? _Fucking betrayed you, that’s_ _what_.”

God, just thinking about that bitch got Ash’s blood boiling.

He could see that the topic was making Eiji upset, so he relented. “I’m sorry, sunshine. I’m not mad at you. No more fighting, okay? Just like I promised.”

Eiji’s hand was resting on his thigh, palm up, so Ash took it.

“Your hand fits mine perfectly,” he told him. “See? This is it, Eiji. The proof that we need no one else but each other. Just the two of us forever and ever.”

* * *

Their first fight had been ugly. Well, at least on Ash’s part. He was miserable.

It all started with Sing, because of course that asshole would find a way to ruin his and Eiji’s paradise. It was an accident that he had seen them, really. He wasn’t even supposed to meet Eiji at the library until seven, but he decided he’d go early just to surprise him anyway.

So there was Ash, pulling up in his car because he was planning to drive Eiji to this new ramen place for dinner, when he saw Sing and Eiji standing on the steps, seemingly deep in conversation. Eiji had this look on his face that Ash was very familiar with, the same one he’d use when tending to injured dogs taken in at the shelter. Caring. Kind. Pitying.

Sing’s whole face was red and his fists were clenched at his sides. He was shaking his head. He looked like he was close to tears. Eiji said something and reached out to pat his hair. The action seemed to trigger something in Sing, because the next thing Ash knew he was pulling Eiji down for a kiss.

He heard Eiji yelp in surprise.

Ash stopped himself from rushing out of the car.

_Goddamn motherfu—_

Eiji pushed him back gently. Sing looked heartbroken. Eiji said a few more words, Sing nodding along like a diligent student, and a few minutes later he was hopping down the steps like he wanted nothing more but to be out of there. Eiji watched him go, letting out a shaky breath once he was out of sight.

Son of a bitch. _Oh, he was dead._ Sing was _so_ dead.

Ash waited for a few more minutes to let Eiji compose himself, then acting like he knew nothing, walked up to his boyfriend with a casual, “Hey, angel. Ready to go?”

“Yup,” said Eiji, nodding eagerly. He craned his neck to look past him. “You brought the car!”

“I think you like that car more than me,” he joked, taking the books out of Eiji’s hands.

“Don’t be like that,” Eiji admonished as they walked down the steps. “Of course I like you more, Ash.”

_Really?_

When they finally hit the road and Eiji was happily singing along to rhe radio, Ash said, “So, I thought I saw Sing earlier. Was he with you?”

Eiji continued to bop his head. “Yes. He asked for help with some research.”

“That’s all?”

“Uh-huh. It was just a coincidence, really. I saw him studying and he looked like he needed help, so I assisted him.”

“What, you a librarian now?”

Eiji seemed to miss the edge in his voice.

“Uh, no.” Eiji laughed. Ash could see him fidget from the corner of his eye. “He’s my friend, of course I’d help him.”

“Of course,” he spat. That’s just the kind of person Eiji was. What else did he expect from him? “Do you let all of your other friends kiss you, too?”

“What?”

“I saw him kiss you.”

Eiji looked out the window. “Oh.”

“Right. _Oh_.” Ash kicked the breaks. Slammed the radio off. “What the hell did he want?”

“He, uh, confessed to me earlier,” Eiji told him. He was blushing. God, did he like it, Sing confessing his feelings to him? Eiji added: “I told him I wasn’t interested. I mean, he knows I’m with you, Ash. I apologized for hurting his feelings—”

“Jesus Christ,” he ground out.

“And I told him that he’d find someone else, eventually, but he won’t listen,” Eiji recounted, pulling the sleeves of his jacket. “Then he kissed me and I pushed him away. I think he’s really sad.”

“Good,” said Ash harshly. “Son of a bitch deserves it, forcing himself on you like that.”

“Ash, don’t talk like that.” Eiji’s disapproving tone irked him. “He’s a really good guy. I think he just got carried away. He said sorry right after.”

He scoffed. “As if that helps.”

“Come on, Ash,” said Eiji soothingly. “I already rejected him, anyway. He must be feeling down, and guilty, so we shouldn’t be too hard on him.”

“ _What the fuck?_ ” he said, astonished. “Are you seriously _defending_ him?”

Eiji shook his head. “No. I’m trying to understand him.”

Ash laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Oh, God. You liked it, didn’t you?”

“Huh?” said Eiji. “What are you talking about?”

Ash stepped on the gas, eyes staring straight ahead as he said: “Him kissing you. You liked it, didn’t you? Is that why you’re siding with him?”

“Side? What—Ash, you are not making any sense,” said Eiji, crossing his arms. “Sing’s my friend, so it is only natural that I’d feel bad for him. But you, Ash, you’re my boyfriend, and you’re the only one I’d like to kiss.”

“Uh-huh.” He clicked his tongue. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Ash,” said Eiji softly. He reached out and let his fingers dance across Ash’s arm. “Come on. You believe me, don’t you?” Ash wasn’t sure, and the thought terrified him. Eiji was an angel, a god, his fucking savior, and yet here he was doubting him. “Ash. Hey.”

There was only one way to find out, right?

“Kiss me,” he blurted out.

Eiji pried one of his hands away from the steering wheel and brought it to his lips. He pressed feather-light kisses on Ash’s knuckles.

“I said kiss me.”

“What do you think I’m doing?”

“You know what I mean.”

Eiji gulped. He must have sensed the warning in his voice because he said cautiously, “But you’re driving right now, Ash.”

“So?” he asked. _Excuses, excuses._

“So, you should focus on driving. It’s dangerous—"

“For Chrissake, Eiji, it’s just one kiss!” Ash whipped his head around to stare at him. “Well?”

“Ash, get your eyes back on the road,” ordered Eiji.

He shook his head. “Oh no, honey. I’m not looking anywhere else but you. You know I love looking at you.”

“Ash!”

“Kiss me.”

“Ash! Do you want to get us _killed?_ ”

“What’s wrong, Eiji?” he challenged. He grabbed Eiji’s wrist. “Come on. _Just one kiss and_ —”

“Look out!”

Eiji pushed him back, grabbed the steering wheel, then veered them sharply to the side of the road just as a truck whizzed past them, horns honking so loud it could’ve woken up the entire neighborhood. Ash felt like someone rattled his insides as they came to a stop. Good thing they hadn’t eaten yet; he would have puked everything out.

“Watch where you’re going next time, assholes!” the driver shouted at them.

Ash wanted to chase after him, but he still felt like someone had pulled the world out from under his feet, so he let him be.

Fucking hell. His heart was beating so hard he could feel it in his skull. The car was haphazardly parked on the sidewalk, smoke trailing up from the now open hood. His chest hurt.

“Eiji,” he said urgently. God. Oh God. “Eiji, are you alright?”

He heard someone groan.

Was Eiji wearing a seat belt? He couldn’t remember. “Eiji. Eiji, are you alright? Talk to me, Eiji. Are you hurt—"

“ _What were you thinking?_ ” Eiji shouted. He sounded hysterical. “ _I thought we were_ _going_ _to die!_ ”

“I’m sorry,” he said. He was so, so sorry. He’d never felt more sorry in his entire life.

Eiji kicked the door open and stepped out. “You’re crazy!”

Ash scrambled out of the car. “Eiji, I said I’m sorry! I was just—”

“Just what?” he screamed. Ash took a step back. He’d never seen Eiji like this before: shaking and crying and absolutely seething. Ash was stumped; what was this? That face—it didn’t suit Eiji at all. Eiji was supposed to be all smiled and fondness. Who was this guy? “I’m leaving.”

Eiji wiped his face with his sleeves, then putting his hands in the pockets of his jacket, turned on his heel and started to walk back home.

“Eiji, wait!” Ash called out. “Wait! Please, Eiji—no, don’t go!”

He paid him no mind. He didn’t even glance back.

“Shit!”

Ash kicked his car. It let out a sad, sputtering sound.

Someone was knocking. Shorter was out and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow morning, so Ash didn’t know who the fuck was brave enough to wake him up at midnight when he was already in a bad mood. He felt so off that he didn’t even make a good piece. Whoever looked at his art would shake their heads in disappointment because it looked like shit. Now he couldn’t even rub it in Michelangelo.

Throwing the covers off him, Ash got out of bed but stopped when he saw himself in the mirror. Oh. Right. He couldn’t really welcome someone looking like _that_. He stumbled towards the bathroom, shouting out a “Coming! Jesus, so impatient,” to the visitor who won’t fucking stop knocking before slamming the bathroom door shut.

He scrubbed at his arms and hands, making sure to get the curves of his fingernails. He took off his shirt and carefully slid it into one of the garbage bags Shorter usually stuck under the sink. It's a shame because he liked that shirt, but paint was an asshole. It got everywhere. 

Going back to the bedroom, he pulled on an old sweatshirt and shorts before finally deeming himself presentable.

The knocking started again.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” he said irritably. Whoever this was should have a pretty good reason for waking him up. He yanked the door open. “What the fuck do you need?”

Eiji was standing there, wet hair sticking to his forehead and an apologetic smile on his face. His clothes were drenched, and he was shivering slightly. Did he run out in the storm? Why the hell did he do that? He’d catch a cold if he continued standing there.

Before he could say anything, Ash pulled him into his arms. Eiji melted against him, nose rubbing against his chest, and Ash said, “You’re here.”

“Hmm-mm.”

“You’re all wet.”

“It was raining.”

“No shit.”

They stood there, wrapped up in each other, dripping water on the carpet.

“I’m sorry,” Ash finally said. He squeezed him tighter. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I know,” said Eiji quietly. “I love you, too.”

It was the first time they’d said it out loud.

“I love you.” Ash was breathless. Eiji was here, after having walked under the rain just to see him, telling him he loved him, and Ash knew all sins were forgiven. “I love you.”

Eiji clung to him. “I love you too, Ash. Let’s not fight again. Ever. Fights are stupid.”

“Okay,” he said, kissing him. “Whatever you want.”

* * *

“We’re here,” he announced. He glanced at Eiji. “Do you need help getting out?” An idea suddenly hit him, and he teased, “Come on, I’ll carry you—bridal style. Pretend like we just got hitched.”

Eiji cracked a smile. Besotted, that’s was what he was.

“Alright,” said Ash, reaching over to unbuckle Eiji’s seat belt. “Let’s go, angel.”

* * *

He woke up to soft voices drifting through the door.

Ash rolled over the other side of the bed, wanting to latch his arms and legs around Eiji, but came up with nothing. He opened his eyes. Sunlight was streaming through the blinds of his bedroom window, creating slants of black and yellow on the sheets.

“Eiji?” he croaked.

“Good morning,” Shorter greeted from the doorway. Eiji was peeking out from behind him, wearing Ash’s large Back to the Future shirt. The sight made his stomach erupt in butterflies. “Breakfast is ready. It’s Japanese, and it tastes really good. I think I had, like, three servings.”

It took a minute for Shorter’s words to register. The innuendo wasn't lost on him. Ash quickly jumped out of bed. “ _You son of a_ —”

“Eiji cooked!” amended Shorter, quickly realizing his mistake. He held his hands up in surrender. “Eiji cooked breakfast, that’s what I meant, I swear!”

Ash stopped.

Eiji beamed, unaware that Ash was this close to socking Shorter in the face. “I prepared natto.”

“Oh, babe,” whined Ash, lowering his fist. “You know I hate that stuff.”

“But it is healthy,” said Eiji, as if they didn’t have this conversation a hundred times before. “It is good for digestion and makes your bones stronger.”

“Don’t we have pancakes?” he asked, pushing past Shorter and following Eiji to the kitchen.

The television was on, and a reporter was narrating about a gruesome murder that had happened in Grand Central Station last night. The body was crucified to the wall, an incision making its way from temple to temple, making blood run down the victim’s face—

“Turn it off, it’s making me lose my appetite,” ordered Ash as he pulled out a seat.

Eiji shrugged and shut the TV. Shorter was looking hard at the now black screen.

“So we meet again,” said Ash. He was having an intense staring match with the bowl of natto.

“You are so dramatic,” said Eiji, rolling his eyes. He sighed as he watched Ash working up the courage to lift the spoon to his mouth. “Come on, you do not have to eat it if you do not want to. I’ll just make you eggs or something.”

“No, you worked hard for this, of course I’ll eat it,” Ash told him. “Just—just give me some time.”

Eiji looked at Shorter as if to say, _can you believe this?_ But Shorter’s eyes were still glued to the TV.

It went on like this for a few more minutes, until Ash was sure Eiji was going to go over his best friend to personally check on him.

“Yo, Shorter,” yelled Ash, making the guy jump. Ash studied him; Shorter looked a little green. Huh. Gesturing at the natto, he said, “You ate three bowls of this?”

“Uh, yes,” he replied. Shorter met Ash’s green eyes and fixed his expression into his usual smile. “It’s delicious, man. Seriously.”

“See?” Eiji turned to him, delighted. “Shorter gets it.”

“Ugh,” said Ash. He started digging his spoon in it. “Fine.”

Eiji was pleased. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied automatically. He would eat ten bowls of natto if it meant that Eiji would continue doting on him. “I’m gonna pray first before I eat this.”

Eiji giggled. Ash bowed his head and looked at Shorter suspiciously from the corners of his eyes.

The prospect of formally meeting Eiji’s best friend didn’t faze Ash as much as it was supposed to. He knew how it was: the best friend meeting the boyfriend for the first time, already having an initial assessment of him based on whatever Eiji had said, just waiting for Ash to slip so they could say, _ha, I was right!_ as if they would know everything about Ash and what was good for Eiji based on one shared afternoon coffee.

Seriously, it all seemed like a drag. Eiji already loved him, so what was the point of getting everyone else’s approval?

But Eiji seemed excited with the idea of Ash meeting his super duper bestest friend (Eiji’s words, not his), evident in the way that he was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he and Ash waited at the front of the café, and fuck, whatever—Ash could endure a few hours of fake smiling and charming his way through the heart of a total stranger if it meant making Eiji happy.

“It is going to be okay, Ash,” Eiji told him, mistaking his silence for nervousness. He squeezed his hand. “He’s going to like you, I’m sure.”

Ash smiled at him. “I should thank him, you know. For forcing you to go to the bar that night. If he hadn’t, then we wouldn’t be here now.”

This made Eiji laugh. “You’re right! Yeah, we should really thank him.”

Fifteen minutes later and Ash was settled on a table with Eiji beside him, his best friend—Yut Lung? Yeet Lung?—seated across from them and staring at Ash like he had grown an extra head.

“So,” said Eiji cheerily, oblivious to the way his friend was ogling Ash. “Yut Lung, this is my boyfriend, Ash. We’ve been dating for nine months now.”

“Hey,” said Ash, putting on his best smile. “Eiji’s told me all about you.”

“Likewise,” Yut Lung sneered. What the fuck—Ash didn’t even know people could do that in real life.

“Ash was just telling me about how we should thank you,” Eiji told Yut Lung. He was bubbling with so much energy that Ash was afraid he’d explode. “If you hadn’t dragged me to the bar back then, we wouldn’t have met. Yue, you are like our matchmaker.”

“That’s not how it works, Ei-chan,” sighed Yut Lung. “You want me to play matchmaker? Then fine—go on a date with one of those guys I told you.”

Eiji chuckled. “You are funny.”

“I’m _not_ joking, Eiji.”

Ash coughed. Well, it looked like he would be having a hard time charming this one.

“What?” asked Eiji, visibly confused.

“Look,” said Yut Lung. He looked pained. “I don’t like him.”

“But Yue, you _just met him!_ ”

“I know and I don’t like him. Done,” said Yut Lung. “Come on, Eiji. Just—just trust me on this, okay?”

His eyes pleaded for Eiji to understand. Ash sat there quietly, not really sure what he should say. Should he try and make peace? Should he intervene? What did he do, anyway? This guy took one look at him and immediately decided that he wasn’t worth Eiji’s time. He was being a total dick.

He was also Eiji’s best friend.

So, swallowing every bit of pride and anger that he was feeling, Ash said: “Look, Yue—”

“Yut Lung. And please, don’t even say my name.”

That was it. Forget about being charming and nice and all that crap.

“You’re being a real bitch, _Yut Lung_ ,” he spat.

“I am,” replied Yut Lung with as much venom. Fucking snake. Ash wanted to strangle him with the long braid hanging down the back of his head. “So stay away from Eiji.”

“Okay, that is enough!” said Eiji, pushing himself off his chair and grabbing his things. “I don’t know why you are being so rude. Let’s go, Ash.”

“What?” Yut Lung looked like he’d just been sucker punched. _Hah_. “Eiji, no. Don’t come with him—”

“Why?” asked Eiji forcefully.

“Um. Just—it’s just—”

“Just what?”

“You can’t trust him, Eiji!” screamed Yut Lung, and it was enough to make Eiji freeze.

 _What the fuck?_ Ash’s fingers twitched. _What the hell did he mean by that?_

He sneaked a glance at Yut Lung. He looked a lot like Shorter did in the last few days, pale and skittish. Gone was the tough persona he was putting on earlier. He looked like he was going to beg Eiji to stay if he needed to.

Eiji shook his head and left. Ash looked back and forth between Yut Lung and the door that was still swinging in Eiji’s wake. Thinking of nothing else to do, Ash gathered up his things, intent on following Eiji, but before he could go Yut Lung said: “I saw you.”

Ash went still.

“At Grand Central Station,” Yut Lung continued. “I saw you.”

 _Fuck_.

Taking a deep breath, he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Yut Lung looked down.

“Whatever you think you saw,” said Ash carefully, “it’s not real.”

He’d forget it if he knew what was good for him. He was Eiji’s best friend. Despite the sneers and the pompous attitude and being a snake, he was Eiji’s best friend, so Ash was going to let him off the hook.

“I’d never hurt Eiji,” he told him. _But you’re not him, are you?_ “He’s an angel. I love him.”

Yut Lung nodded numbly.

* * *

Ash hissed as a thorn pricked his thumb. Blood oozed out from his wound, fascinating him for a moment before he promptly sucked on the skin.

Making flower crowns were a real pain. Eiji had always been better at him with things like this; the way his fingers skillfully wove the stems together was amazing to witness. But Eiji was sleeping on the grass beside him, and Ash didn’t want to disturb him in any way, not when he was looking so peaceful. He just had a hard week. He needed the extra rest.

He huffed once he was done. The craftsmanship was a little clumsy, he had to admit, but it worked. It looked like a real flower crown, with fat crimson roses bursting off it, not like any of those cheap ones made of thin wires and plastic. Eiji didn’t deserve fake things like that.

Carefully, so as not wake him, Ash lifted Eiji by the back of his head and secured the flower crown atop his black hair. The result was more than Ash could hope for: the roses really matched his red lace tunic and cheeks.

Ash leaned back to study his work better and decided that it needed one final touch.

He took off the silver and emerald rosary hanging from his neck and wrapped it around Eiji’s clasped hands.

 _There_. Perfect.

“Wow, babe,” he said with reverence. His eyes filled with tears. “You're truly a sight to behold.”

* * *

“I cannot believe him!” shouted Eiji as he entered the apartment. He threw himself on the sofa and screamed into his hands. Apparently that tactic didn’t work, because he wailed, “Why would he do that?”

Ash, who had been given access to Eiji’s apartment via a duplicate key, looked up from where he was sitting on the floor reading a history book.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

When Eiji turned to him, he was crying.

Alarmed, Ash said, “Eiji, what’s wrong?”

“My parents are telling me to go back to Japan,” he told him. Ash dropped the book. Wait, what? “Yut Lung told them lies, and now they want me back!”

He cried harder.

Ash quickly gathered him in his arms, whispering words of comfort in his ear, and all the while his world was slowly tilting.

“Eiji,” he tried, rocking him gently. “Eiji, what did he tell them?”

“Just—lies. You know,” said Eiji helplessly. “It doesn’t matter. They really want me back. My uncle’s even flying over to get me.” He hooked his arms around Ash’s waist, burying his face in his shoulder. “I don’t want to go!”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” he replied. No, it wasn’t alright. Who the fuck did they think they were, taking Eiji away from him like that? “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, babe.”

“I don’t even have anything to show for,” said Eiji, going on another tangent. “My exhibit’s been canceled.”

“What? Why?” Eiji had been looking forward to that event. He’d been staying late at school picking out his best photos and planning for the Big Day, as he’d liked to call it.

“Yut Lung’s replacing me,” he said, and saying his best friend’s name triggered a new batch of tears. “I don’t know. The faculty told me earlier—he—he—”

Eiji was crying so hard he wasn’t even making sense anymore.

Fucking snake. _Oh,_ he’d really done it now.

“It’s going to be alright,” Ash repeated. He didn’t know who he was convincing: Eiji or himself. “How about we go to bed? I think a nap will do you good, angel.”

A few hours later and Eiji was asleep, breath rattling because of all the crying he’d done earlier. Ash was wrapped around him like a cocoon, afraid that if he let go Eiji would fly away and disappear.

He’d die if that ever happened.

“Eiji,” he whispered, voice trembling a little. “You love me, right?”

He didn’t expect Eiji to answer, but he did.

“Yes,” he murmured, still groggy with sleep. “I love you, Ash. Forever.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay,” he said, strangely content. His mind was all made up now. He knew what needed to be done. “Forever, then.”

It had been a week since Eiji’s breakdown. He was still feeling down, often just lying in bed with Ash, ignoring his family and friends’ calls, but today he was finally up and about, a bright smile on his face as he puttered around the kitchen.

“You look happy,” Ash observed.

Eiji hummed. “Of course. It’s our anniversary!”

They both neglected to mention the fact that Eiji’s uncle was coming tomorrow, or that he was contemplating changing schools. What’s important was that it was their day, they spent the morning tangled up in the shower, and Ash had the perfect anniversary planned out.

“So,” started Eiji as he cleaned the countertop. “You don’t want me here, in _my_ apartment, until 9 pm tonight?”

“Uh-huh,” said Ash, pretending to read the paper.

Eiji was amused. “Okay, Romeo. I’m getting my things and leaving. Don’t break anything while I am gone, okay?”

“Wouldn’t even dream of it."

Eiji snorted. He shrugged on his coat and messenger bag, gave Ash a lingering kiss, and left.

Alright then. Time to put things in order.

Ash scooped the milky water into his cupped hands, watching as the liquid slipped from the spaces between his fingers and splashed back down. He slid farther down the tub until the water reached his chin.

He remembered when his mother used to dunk his head in the spilling tub every time he’d do something wrong—missing the day’s prayers, skipping rocks on the pond after school, looking at sleazy magazines at the newsstands.

He could hear her voice right now, loud and clear: _drugs and alcohol and boys! No confession would be able to cleanse you!_

She was always so passionate about that: confessions and sins and begging for forgiveness. Maybe it had to do with the fact that she was compensating for secretly raising a child she had with her own brother.

A hypocrite, that's what she was. Ash hated her. He hated their home with its rosaries hanging from every door and it's collection of baby Jesus figurines. He hated the usual breakfast of wheat bread and the stiff shirts he had to wear for Sunday mass. He hated that they never went to any family gatherings.

No one ever bothered to invite them.

_Don’t repeat the same mistakes I did, Ash._

_It’s okay, Ash. God is with us._

_No—don’t even go near me. You demon, born—born of sin!_

_Don’t ever love, Ash. Love is dangerous. All carnal desires and poisonous thoughts. It leads to nothing but sin._

_I love you, Ash._

_IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou—_

He didn’t even know whose voice he’s hearing—his mother’s or Eiji’s.

“Stop,” he said out loud. He snatched the bar of soap off the floor and started scrubbing it on his skin, trying to get the non-existent dirt off. “Stop.”

He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin turned pink and he felt vulnerable.

_What’s wrong, Ash?_

“I’m sorry,” he told no one. He started murmuring a string of prayers.

_That’s a good boy._

His eyes strayed to the rosary he’d hung at the doorknob.

Fuck fuck fuck, why did he need to deal with this now of all times?

He badly needed a fix. His anxiety was killing him. His hands were shaking with the urge to build, to create something. He had a plan, but he supposed he could go off schedule? He really needed to do it _now_.

Suddenly, as if by some miracle, someone knocked on the door.

Ash wrapped a towel around his waist and padded across the apartment. The carpet was cool and soft beneath his feet. He opened the door to find exactly what—or rather who—he was looking for.

“Eiji, I need to talk to you about—”

Yut Lung’s eyes went wide.

Heaven must have really loved him, because they had just made Ash’s job a whole lot easier.

He pulled Yut Lung inside before he could scream.

God, it was perfect. Ash had really outdone himself. Eiji was going to love this, love _him_ , and they’d be together forever and ever and ever.

“Ash?” Eiji called out.

“In here, babe,” he replied. All the lights were off, but several scented candles were lit up along the length of the short hallway leading to the living room. It was fucking romantic.

“Ooh, a surprise,” said Eiji, and Ash could imagine the smile on his face.

Ash could hear him coming closer. Eiji stopped at the threshold to the living room. He sniffed the air. “It smells weird.”

“You can turn on the lights.”

There was the click of the table lamp.

Eiji's bag dropped to the floor. He took a sharp intake of breath.

“Ash,” said Eiji shakily. His eyes roamed around the room. “What did you do?”

“Eiji,” he said cheerily, spreading his arms out. They were all red and shiny. “Welcome back.”

“Ash, what did you do?” he repeated. He covered his mouth with his hand. “Oh my God.”

Ash blinked innocently. “What are you talking about?”

Eiji lowered his eyes to the floor and gasped.

“Is that…?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, this is your anniversary gift,” said Ash, proudly showing off his handiwork. He must have done a really good job because Eiji was just standing there all wide-eyed and speechless. “Ta-da! It’s a coat made of _snakeskin_.”

Eiji let out a strangled noise.

“Do you know how difficult it was to make this? Very difficult. That bitch’s skin was thicker than I thought.” He flexed his fingers. “I had to sew for hours! But you know me—there’s nothing I won’t and can't do for you, Eiji.”

There were tears running down Eiji’s face. He must be really touched.

“I see you like it. Good,” said Ash, smiling. “Nothing but the best for my angel.”

“Ash,” said Eiji. He was trembling like a leaf. “Ash.”

“Would you like to wear it?” He stepped forward and carefully draped the coat on Eiji’s shoulder. Eiji looked like he was about to faint. Once it was secured, Ash pulled him close to his chest and whispered, “I love you.”

A sniffle.

“I love you, Eiji.”

Eiji let out a sob.

“I love you so much, you have no idea.”

More sobbing.

“Don’t cry. I love you.”

Eiji cried harder if that was possible.

“No. Don’t. Stop it. I love you.”

A broken sound pierced the silence.

“Say it back,” Ash instructed him. Eiji would feel so much better if he just said it back.

“Ash, please,” Eiji whimpered, finally having found his voice.

“Say, _I love you, Ash_ , like you always do,” he said harshly, pulling back so that he could rattle him by the shoulders. The coat slid off and fell to floor. The blood on his hands soaked through the fabric of Eiji’s shirt. “ _Say it._ ”

“I love you, Ash,” Eiji replied weakly.

What time was it? Ash must’ve slept real deep because he was feeling way too disoriented. Ash’s muscles ached like crazy, but it was the good kind, pain and sweetness mixed together perfectly. The sweat on his body was more comfortable rather than disgusting. Having sex with Eiji was always like that: good and sweet and absolutely the best thing in the world.

He reached over to the other side of the bed for Eiji, but his hand only landed on scattered pillows. He sat up, groaning, and—what the fuck? His head was slightly spinning. Everything was heavy.

His eyes strayed to the cup of tea that Eiji had insisted he drink before they fell asleep.

Damn.

He slipped on his shirt and boxers before tiptoeing out of the room. He found Eiji kneeling down the floor of the living room, fully dressed, a duffel bag and cellphone in hand. The screen was lit up to show Sing’s name as the caller ID.

“Going somewhere?”

Eiji jumped. The phone landed on the carpet with a soft thud.

“Ash,” said Eiji, slowly turning to him. He tried for a smile. It turned out more like a grimace. “You are awake.”

“Of course. What did you give me anyway? Sleeping pills? It’ll take more than that to knock me out,” Ash informed him.

“What are you talking about?” asked Eiji, round brown eyes back in full force. Ash was weak for those eyes.

“You’re too much of an angel to even think about giving me so many pills,” Ash explained. “Just admit it: you’re not cut out for this, sweetheart.”

“No, no. You are wrong. Why would I do something like that?” said Eiji. Ash could almost hear his teeth clattering from how bad he was shaking. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied swiftly. He took slow, deliberate steps forward. “Forever.”

Sing’s voice echoed around the living room: _Hello? Eiji?_

Eiji glanced at the phone, but before he could open his mouth to respond, Ash snatched it and hanged up.

“I’m sorry,” Eiji pleaded immediately. “Ash, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, sweetie,” Ash told him. “It’s alright.”

Ash knelt down before him. Eiji tried to scoot back, but Ash grabbed his wrist.

“Well? How about making good on that promise, huh?” he asked gently. He stood up, pulling Eiji along with him. “You told me you’d love me forever, so how about we put that to the test?”

“Ash, please,” said Eiji. “Please. I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you too, angel. So come on, let’s love each other time after time after time after time." Ash twisted his wrist tighter and tighter as he went on. Eiji was screaming. “You love that song, right, Eiji? _Time after time after time—_ "

“Let go of me!” Eiji cried. “You bastard! You’re fucking insane!” Eiji seemed to have realized what he just said, because he quickly backtracked. “Sorry. Sorry.”

“What is wrong with you?” Ash cupped Eiji’s face in his hands. Squishing his cheeks, he said, “You’re not supposed to talk like that. Who thought you that?”

“Ash, please, stop it,” said Eiji. Ash was worried he'd get dehydrated with how much crying he'd done today. “Stop it. I’m not an angel, and I’m definitely not a saint. You’re delusional.”

“You are,” he insisted. “You are, Eiji. I’d worship you and sing you praises and you'd become my salvation—"

“Oh my God.”

“You're the answer to everything. You're so full of goodness that you can wash away all the sins I was born with.”

"Just let me go. Please."

“We’ll prove Mama wrong. Our love is pure and eternal, she’ll see.”

“Ash.”

“I’d never hurt you, baby. Never. How about we just forget about this and celebrate tomorrow? I’ll buy you a nice shirt. Maybe lace. You like that, don’t you?”

Eiji closed his eyes.

* * *

“Sweet mother of Jesus,” said Charlie when he arrived at the scene.

“Neither the time nor place, detective,” said Jenkins. He shook his head. Set aside his notepad. “I’m going to need to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes after this.”

"Me too," replied Charlie. " _And I don't even smoke_."

Before them was the most grotesque and bizarre tableau Central Park had ever seen. A man had been laid out in the grass, surrounded by hundreds of bouquets, a flower crown made of roses still with thorns secured around his head. Trails of dried blood ran down his face. His mouth had been arranged into a serene smile. A hole had been opened up his chest, just the right size to rip his heart out—

—the very same heart that had been in the hands of the blond man lying sideways next to him, a pool of blood surrounding the hole where the bullet he’d put through his own head had exited.

Charlie looked up. Closed his eyes.

“Bless their souls. Wherever they are.”

Jenkins lit a stick. The smoke went up the sky, along with Charlie’s prayer.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for five days while listening to nothing but five Lana Del Rey songs:
> 
> 1\. Religion  
> 2\. Gods & Monsters  
> 3\. White Mustang  
> 4\. Ultraviolence; and  
> 5\. Serial Killer
> 
> I got struck with inspiration and decided that whatever, I'll write this story down and hope it turns out okay.


End file.
